Bang
by Frontier Of Consciousness
Summary: A mission gone wrong a bullet makes its mark, and Angeal and Zack struggle to cope. Zangeal. Rating for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N First Crisis core fic :) hope you enjoy it ^^**

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Angeal didn't hear the shot.

What he heard was Zack's little gasp and the thud as he hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. By the time Angeal turned to him, blood laced with mako was pulsing out of Zack's stomach. Zack's hands closed over the wound like he was trying to keep his guts in. Maybe he was.

"Zack!"

He dropped to the ground, dropped the Buster sword as he knelt beside his wounded puppy. Zack's gaze was laced with pain, the mako in his eyes fading as it bled out of him. Now they were a pale, pale blue, contrasting his dark hair.

"Zack!"

He hauled his puppy upright into his arms. Zack coughed – once – and sprayed blood on Angeal's face. Angeal's heart pounded at the sight. It couldn't have been that serious, he thought, SOLDIER took gunshot wounds all the time-

His puppy gave a low, wounded keening noise, deep from his chest. Tears were leaking from Zack's eyes, streaming down the sides of his face. Angeal saw he had a cut on one cheek that was bleeding profusely.

"Zack," Angeal whispered. Zack looked at him blankly, then closed his eyes.

Zack.

His puppy.

His _puppy._

Oh, _Gaia_, his _precious puppy. _

~*~

There wasn't much left to live for, Angeal thought hollowly. What am I going to do? The carnage was all around him, but he didn't pay it as much attention as he should have. Zack is dead. Zack is dead. He was like… not a son. It started off as that. He was like my lo-

"GENERAL HEWLEY!"

It was one of the thirds, Kunsel, Zack's friend. Angeal turned to the young lieutenant and wondered if Kunsel knew about zack yet. He was pale but not as much as he could have been.

"What is it, Lieutenant?"

"Zack's alive," Kunsel gasped out.

For a moment, the world seemed to stand still. Angeal's brain fought furiously to comprehend Kunsel's words before it was too late to do anything about them. "Alive?" he croaked. "He was shot… he…"

_All that blood…_

"The medics have got him," Kunsel gasped. "Sir, he needs a blood transfusion-"

"I'm not allowed." Angeal's heart sank with the words; Zack would die anyway. "I have too much mako in my system for Zack to handle-"

"Sir, you're the only bloodtype that matches." Kunsel pulled his helmet off. "Angeal," he begged. "Angeal, he needs you."

Angeal made a split decision then, one that he would agonise over later, in the middle of the night when nothing but his demons kept him company.

"Where is he?"

~*~

Only a thin tube kept Zack alive.

The thought was disconcerting to Angeal, who was on the other end of the tube. There had been no time to harvest any of Angeal's blood to give to Zack conventionally. The medics had simply connected Angeal to Zack with the tube and, seconds later, Angeal's strong heart was working to circulate his blood into his precious puppy's body. The blood was tainted greenish-blue from the mako, and Angeal didn't like the sight of it – especially with his puppy laying so still and pale, covered with the standard-issue blankets.

"Doctor Harvey?" Angeal asked softly. He kept his focus on the bandages around Zack's stomach, stained pink and wet from the rain. It was a testament to the doctor's – the best that ShinRa had – abilities that Zack was still breathing.

"How can I help, Commander?"

_Save him._

"How is he?"

The doctor sighed, taking off his gloves and reaching for a new pair, as if stalling for time. "He's very weak, sir," the doctor said quietly. "The bullet never exited his stomach, he's going to need surgery when we get back. We're going to need some more blood to give him later. For now all it's doing is sustaining him. Sir… he's bleeding out."

Bleeding out. Angeal shivered. No matter how strong a SOLDIER was, bleeding out was one thing that took a long time to recover from.

Angeal started as Zack's hand, so close to his, twitched weakly. His fingers curled and clenched up feebly. Angeal slid two of his fingers into Zack's grasp and used the others to gently massage the back of his hand.

Gaia, please protect him…

~*~

"Commander Hewley."

Angeal stood up as the doctor walked over. Kunsel had been sent back to the barracks two hours ago. Angeal wondered why the surgery was taking so long.

"How is he?"

"Sir… you should come with me."

Angeal's heart felt like it might cave in on itself as he was led back to the doctor's office. He sat down as the doctor pulled a chart off the wall, then slid a few x-rays onto a board. Angeal swallowed audibly and tensed.

"The bullet has been removed from Zack's body," the doctor said. "And though he's stable, there's some bad news as well."

The doctor gestured to an image of Zack's spine.

"What is that?" Angeal asked, referring to the small white lump.

"It's a fluid buildup," the doctor said. "And it's on his spine. Zack won't be able to walk for a while, sir. He will walk again, but… for the moment he's paralysed."

~*~

When Angeal carried Zack back to his apartment, it was raining.

They had wanted Zack to be pushed in a wheelchair. The logical side of Angeal realised that was the better solution; Zack wouldn't be jarred as much as he was when being carried.

But dammit, if Zack had to be treated like an invalid, Angeal would rather carry him in his arms, have him warm and safe and protected from the rain. Angeal tried to shield Zack by hunching his shoulders over, unable to wait for the moment where he could tuck Zack under his chocobo-patterned duvet instead of starched medical blankets.

Just as they got into the elevator, Zack opened his eyes.

Angeal stared into them for a moment; though Zack seemed groggy and slightly drugged, he didn't see any pain. The elevator began to slowly rattle to the top of the building. It was old and outdated, and the speed it went at depended on the day, sometimes even the hour.

"'Geal?"

"Hey, puppy."

Zack closed his eyes and one hand somehow found Angeal's sweater through the swath of thin hospital blankets. Zack let out a tired yawn, not at all like the usual hearty ones – small and defeated.

"We nearly there?"

"Almost, puppy," Angeal reassured him. Zack had always hated the elevator, especially when he wasn't on his own two feet.

The elevator sputtered to a stop a level below the one Angeal's apartment was on. He swore – eliciting a smile from his puppy – and began to climb the stairs, rather than risk getting them both trapped in the death machine again.

Halfway there, Zack pressed his warm cheek to Angeal's icy chest, where the SOLDIER uniform had become slightly unzipped. He didn't seem to mind the fuzz that he found there, unlike Sephiroth. Sephiroth had never liked the fuzz. Come to think of it, there had been many things about Angeal Sephiroth hadn't liked.

Angeal unlocked the front door. The cold, automatic halogen lights flickered on. Tan leather. White carpet. Books on SOLDIER decorum. Angeal was saddened to see the apartment like it was – spick and span, when normally Zack would have left out his PlayStation, discs and controllers everywhere, a trail of clothes showing where he had been before a shower.

Angeal entered Zack's room almost cautiously. He didn't go in there much; it was Zack's private space, one that shouldn't be invaded.

The bedspread was blue and yellow, chocobo patterned, that the sixteen-year-old Third Class vehemently refused to get rid of. At the end of the bed sat a stuffed Bandersnatch, a stuffed Moogle and a stuffed puppy. Zack's beloved toys, things Angeal didn't discourage.

He laid Zack down on the bed and began pulling the covers around him. The drugs lingering in Zack's blood seemed to be lulling him to sleep again. Angeal hesitantly moved the toys at the end of Zack's bed to sit up near the head with him. He laid a spare quilt over the end instead and turned up the heating.

"Where is it?" Zack murmured sleepily.

"Where's what, puppy?"

Zack frowned. "You got it for me… in the hospital. Where…"

Angeal unzipped Zack's bag with all his get well gifts in it and pulled out a stuffed chocobo. Zack smiled upon seeing it and reached out; Angeal gave it to him, though he felt strange. A stuffed chocobo wasn't something a twenty five year old man usually went out and bought, and especially not for a sixteen year old. However, it was better than what he picked up next – a leash and collar, with a note attached.

_Anytime, anyplace, baby. Reno of the Turks, yo._

Zack seemed pleased with the toy, though, and tucked the chocobo under his arm.

"Do you want anything, puppy?"

"Can you stay?" Zack murmured.

Angeal paused. Then he pulled up a chair beside Zack's bed and sat down. His puppy reached for his hand. Angeal took it gently and rubbed the back as Zack's eyes slowly fluttered closed.

Angeal kissed his puppy on the forehead, so grateful to have him alive that his heart squeezed for a moment and tears blurred his vision. He let his lips rest on Zack's smooth, soft brow for a moment.

"Sweet dreams, puppy," he whispered.

~*~

"Come on, puppy."

Zack held out his hand, and Angeal took it, stretching as far as was possible so Zack would have to walk further to get to him.

Zack slid his left foot forward a little and stumbled. He reached out his other hand for Angeal, and Angeal took that one as well.

"That's it, puppy, you're doing great. You're doing great."

Angeal's smooth, deep voice was a comfort, and Zack began to take small, tentative steps. His legs were mostly numb, but had enough feeling in them that he knew he was only taking tiny, sliding steps towards his mentor.

"That's it, puppy."

Zack staggered two steps from Angeal, and suddenly found his face planted in his mentor's chest. He looked up and smiled sheepishly. Angeal's arms were locked around his waist and back carefully, holding him upright without injuring him.

"Have a nice trip, puppy?"

Zack's smile widened into a grin. "You just made a joke."

"It would appear certain aspects of your personality are contagious," Angeal said. "I can only hope they are not so to Sephiroth, for the sake of ShinRa's reputation."

There was a knock on the door, and Zack suddenly realised he was leaning heavily on Angeal's chest to stay upright. Angeal could almost see the rip as Zack somehow maneuvered himself to the couch. It hurt Angeal that his puppy was embarrassed of needing his help, because Zack behaved like he was a burden, and Angeal never saw him as a burden, but as a gift.

He pulled a blanket around Zack's legs before going to the door. As sensation returned and the winter grew fiercer, Zack grew more and more susceptible to getting cold – especially his legs. Though Zack was wearing blue jeans and odd socks, he was still shivering. With Angeal's help, Zack had lost little of the muscle in his legs; his mentor dutifully helped him carry out exercises to keep them strong when he got up, three times during the day, then once before bed.

"Genesis," Angeal said, smiling.

Genesis came bearing gifts, thankfully none of them LOVELESS inspired.

However, the laughter that Genesis's defense of the lack of ending to LOVELESS induced in Zack was the best gift they both received all week.

~*~

The first time Zack lost hope, Angeal was there.

It had been a rough day. Zack's legs had hurt so much during the normal morning exercises that he begged Angeal to stop pushing his feet towards his chest. Angeal, helpless in the face of his puppy's pain, agreed.

So when they got to the ShinRa medical building and found Zack's normal, kindly doctor on sick leave replaced with an older and crankier man, Zack already wasn't in a tolerant mood. He sat sullenly throughout the doctor's incessant, angry stream at being called in and though he cooperated, his expression promised certain injury if the doctor hadn't lessened up.

"You haven't been doing the exercises right," the doctor said, irritated. "That's why your legs hurt."

"We only talked to Doctor Rumpard three days ago," Angeal said. "He said Zack was doing fine."

"Well, he was wrong," the elderly doctor sniped. "Fair's strained a leg muscle. Or should I say, you strained it for him."

It wasn't the first time that anyone had insinuated that Angeal had been pushing Zack beyond his limits – Genesis had only gently mentioned to him the other night that Zack appeared to be getting more and more tired and certainly crankier the further the treatments and therapy progressed – but this time it was an accusation.

And what hurt the most – yes, Angeal would admit that it hurt – was that Zack didn't jump to his defense. Genesis tried to explain – _he's tired, he's in pain, he feels helpless, he's lonely and cooped up inside_ – but Angeal couldn't help but be harsh that night while working Zack's legs. He ignored the tears he thought he glimpsed in Zack's eyes and Zack ignored the way Angeal's normally gentle, smiling mouth was turned down at the corners.

Ten minutes later, Angeal placed Zack in the shower and shut the door. He pulled the curtain and waited for his puppy to let him know he was okay, he was alright, he was almost finished.

No reassurance came.

Angeal waited, sitting on the other side of the shower and knowing Zack was closer than he had been for a while physically. It killed Angeal that now they felt so distant. It felt as if the world and a sheet of glass and a shower curtain separated them, and Angeal didn't know how he was going to fix this anymore.

_I can't do this,_ Zack thought helplessly. _I'm not ever going to walk again. I won't be a first. And Angeal won't mentor a cripple. I won't see him anymore._

Zack drew his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, burying his face in between them. He pretended that the tears he felt coursing down his cheeks were simply stray drops of hot water that had found their way through his black spikes and onto a convenient place on his cheek. He sniffled.

Suddenly, the shower curtain was pulled back and the glass slid open. Zack didn't move. It wasn't like Angeal hadn't seen him in all his glory before.

"Puppy?" Angeal was surprisingly gentle as he turned off the water, which had run cold, and sat beside his student, trying to ignore the sight of Zack's fair (no pun intended, though Zack would have been pleased with the joke), pale and mostly hairless skin.

He put an arm around Zack, and to his surprise, Zack leaned into him with a feeble shiver.

"Puppy, you're going to catch a cold. Let's get out of the shower." Angeal made to pull him up, but Zack stayed where he was. He whispered something.

"What?" Angeal asked, praying it wasn't what he thought it was.

"I can't," Zack whispered feebly.

"Can't what?"

"I can't do this. I can't. I'm not strong enough."

"You are not lacking in strength, Zack," Angeal said. "And even if you were, I have enough for the both of us. You are lacking in faith. That is also something I can share. I believe you can heal, and so does everybody else."

Zack looked up, and his eyes were red.

"But you were mad at me today."

Mad at him? Angeal felt guilty. Before he could ask, though, Zack began to explain.

"Because I didn't tell the doctor he was wrong." Zack rubbed his eyes, which were beginning to fill again. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm so tired, Angeal. I'm really sorry. I'll do better tomorrow."

Angeal gently blanketed Zack in a towel. He realised after a moment that it was his, small on his frame and light blue, big on Zack's frame and dark blue. He began to dry Zack, attempting to ease the shivering a little bit.

"I'm really sorry," Zack whispered, his eyes still full of tears.

"You don't have anything to apologise for, Puppy," Angeal murmured, soothingly rubbing the thigh Zack had strained up the side. "Everyone's right. I've been pushing you too hard. It's only making you sore and tired. I'll be gentler from now, okay?"

"You were always gentle," Zack murmured, slightly startled by Angeal's hand on his thigh but finding he liked it. "Just… demanding."

Angeal smiled. "Whichever, puppy. Come on. I'll rub some salve into that muscle before bed. Your friend Cloud brought by something called Nibelheim Muscle Rub while you were sleeping today. He said it might help with the pain."

Angeal set Zack on his own king sized bed – out of a need for space more than anything – and made sure the towel covered most of Zack, except the thigh he would be rubbing the salve into. He coated two fingers in the salve – swallowed as it was strangely reminiscent of his relationship with Sephiroth – and began to knead Zack's thigh.

Zack hissed and grabbed the soft comforter in his hands, clenching till his knuckles went pale. Angeal immediately stopped. "What is it, puppy?"

"It hurts."

"This'll make it feel a little better, puppy. I'm being as gentle as possible."

"I know you are." Zack shifted. "You always are."

"Alright. Just try to loosen up a little. It won't hurt as much if you're not tense."

Zack shivered a little – Angeal made a mental note to dry Zack's hair – as Angeal kept probing the sore muscle. His hands slowly unclenched from the comforter and he sighed.

"See? That feels better, doesn't it?"

"Doesn't hurt anymore," said Zack with a smile. "It feels good, actually."

The door was flung open abruptly. Angeal hastily covered Zack with the towel as Genesis stared at them, wide eyed. His eyes caught the small note on how to treat Zack's sore muscle, the muscle rub, and Zack's wet hair.

"Uh," he said, all traces of his normal sly tact gone.

Zack went pink, realising what Genesis had been thinking. Angeal simply raised an eyebrow at him, and Genesis walked in.

"I forgot this."

He grabbed a random object off the shelf and ran out.

"Angeal?"

Angeal looked down at his puppy, who was fidgeting restlessly and yawning.

"Yeah, puppy?"

"Can I stay here tonight?" Zack asked in a small voice. "I… don't like… being alone. I can't sleep properly because I can't get comfortable…"

"Of course, puppy."

~*~

It was difficult for Angeal to let his puppy take those first few steps alone.

When the doctor said Zack was ready, Angeal disagreed. His puppy wasn't ready, in Angeal's eyes would never be ready. His puppy had been burned, badly, unable to walk.

Angeal had helped him walk again. Now he was afraid Zack would stand away from him, walk away from him, leave him in the lurch of his odd socks. Logically, he knew Zack wouldn't. He knew his puppy would still rely on him for some time, would still be off missions.

But that day, Zack walked – didn't slide his feet or grapple his way – walked down the hallway at the doctor's surgery. With each step, the brightness behind the doctor's smile increased. Angeal was helpless, taking it all in; the colour of Zack's socks, today red and blue, the rustle of his jeans – jeans that Angeal still helped him slide into in the morning – Zack's sleeves pulled down over his hands because it was chilly and snowing outside, and Zack was a country boy used to hot, humid air. Angeal remembered that Zack was wearing a long sleeved white top under a black t-shirt and a hooded sweatshirt with a wolf on the front that day.

Zack didn't seem tired when he completed the exercises that day, even though they were probably too easy on him now. He looked at Angeal while they waited for the doctor's bill in the lobby.

"I'm tired," he said pointedly.

Angeal paid the bill and scooped Zack up obediently, reflecting how well Zack had him trained. He was really more of the puppy now.

However, he also knew that Zack wasn't sincerely tired. He was doing it because he wanted Angeal to feel… loved? Important? Needed, maybe?

Snow landed on Zack's hair as they crossed the silent courtyard. Angeal was so busy watching it he almost ran directly into Sephiroth.

"Long time no see," Angeal stated calmly.

"Indeed," Sephiroth said coolly, inclining his head. "Although what I did see was impressive."

Zack gave a violent shiver in his arms, and Angeal moved on without another word. He could sense the question Zack was dying to ask and looked at him in amusement.

"Well, puppy?"

"You and Sephiroth?" Zack blurted.

"Once," Angeal said quietly, a little surprised Zack wasn't put off by his mentor's sexuality. "Not anymore, though, puppy."

Zack tilted his head. "Why?"

"It just didn't work. We're fine as friends… but not as anything else, it would appear."

"Was he compensating?"

Angeal almost dropped Zack then, his mouth dropping open. Zack grinned at him devilishly. "Just making sure you're listening," he said airily, then giggled and pressed his face to Angeal's thumping chest. It was warm and he was content.

Though Zack's cheek was icy, even through Angeal's sweater, he didn't complain. "Puppy, what are you trying to say about me?"

A blush rose into Zack's cheeks, and Angeal cursed himself. He had taken it too far.

"Angeal," Zack said, smiling. "Are you flirting with me?"

"Perhaps a little, puppy, out of pity."

"Pity?!" Zack squawked indignantly. "I don't need anybody's pity!"

"You certainly don't," Angeal chuckled. He set Zack down near the door of the apartment, though it pained him to do so, and punched in the keycode. Zack walked in ahead of him – not quite bouncing, but nearly there – and Angeal smiled.

Perhaps his puppy would continue to need him for a little while after all.

~*~

From then on, it was difficult to get Zack out of bed in the morning for doctor's appointments or therapy.

Zack's legs had begun to seize from the cold, something that had happened the winter before as well, if Angeal remembered correctly, just not as badly – and his spine, where the bullet had grazed it, was aching.

"Here, puppy."

Zack reached eagerly for the heat pack presented to him, but Angeal was determined to be a good… guardian. He lifted it just out of Zack's reach and watched the smooth, fine-boned face of his protégé fall.

"Say please, puppy."

"Don't you mean beg?" Zack snickered.

Angeal rolled his eyes. "Say please."

Zack put his slightly curled hands beneath his chin and pouted at him. "Pleeeease?"

Angeal smiled and sat near his puppy. "Here, Zack," he said, passing it to his student. Zack beamed at him, and, before either of them registered, he had placed a quick kiss on his mentor's scratchy chin. Angeal remained still, and Zack blushed.

"S-Sorry!"

"Zack," Angeal said gently, "never be sorry to express affection."

Zack blinked as Angeal pulled him gently to nestle up. He worried at his lip but eventually forgot about it in watching the movie he was; Angeal, however, remained focused on his student's shifting shoulder muscles, and the slightly burning place on his chin where Zack's soft pink lips had grazed his rough, sandy skin.

~*~

Awoken by a sound of discomfort, Angeal shifted – and tensed when he felt a body sprawled across his.

His first thought was that Sephiroth had broken in – but the body was far too warm and far too small to be the silver-haired general. No, instead Angeal looked down and received a spike of black hair up his left nostril.

Zack, on top of him, was trembling like a newborn kitten, and Angeal cursed himself for falling asleep – and for forgetting that temperatures in Gongaga never fell below thirty degrees Celsius. He slowly eased out from beneath Zack, who gave another pained moan.

Angeal saw that the heat pack had slipped off and was lying over his thigh. He picked it up and placed it in the microwave before heading to the hall cupboard and pulling out the two thickest, heaviest blankets he had and spreading them over his puppy, tucking him in.

He took the heat pack from the microwave, finding it too hot for himself but knowing it would thaw Zack's sore lower back very well. He slid it in under the covers, pulling them back a little and smoothing Zack's shirt away from the small of his back.

There was the scar, twisted and horrible but never ugly. It would always be there, and it would always serve as a reminder to Angeal that he stood to lose more than he ever had.

"'Geal?"

"Go back to sleep, puppy."

"What're you doing?"

"The heat pack was cold. Hold still." Angeal placed the heat pack on Zack's back, too kind and tired himself to move Zack to bed. He resigned himself to the recliner when Zack suddenly captured Angeal's lips with his own.

Angeal didn't move at all. Zack's lips were a little cold and chapped, but so soft. He hesitantly kissed his student back. He wanted to push his tongue between Zack's lips and caress his white teeth and all-too-visible at times tongue, but before he could, Zack pulled away.

"Stay with me tonight?"

And that was how Angeal ended up with Zack sprawled across his chest again, holding the heat pack in place on the small of Zack's spine.

~*~

"Look at the cosy little puppy," Genesis murmured.

Angeal turned from the coffee pot. He had been reluctant to leave a still-sleeping Zack on the couch – until his redheaded friend turned up demanding coffee in copious amounts for a hangover. Zack had curled his legs up now, hugging the heat pack tightly and buried eye-deep in the two blankets. Angeal kept a close eye on him; mornings were always the worst.

Zack stirred.

"Puppy?" Angeal called.

"Mornin'," Zack mumbled.

"How's your spine?"

"S'okay."

"Legs?"

"They hurt a bit."

"Where?" Angeal's hands were already seeking out the ridges between Zack's muscle and bone. When Zack nodded, Angeal started digging his fingers in firmly, but gently, stimulating the pain away from his puppy.

He only wished it would work the same for him.

~*~

Angeal still had nightmares about that mission.

Screams, death all around, blood. Lots of blood. Lots of Zack's blood.

He sighed as he pushed his comforter away and got out of bed, pulling on a black t-shirt. He walked into the bathroom, not bothering to turn the hall light on, as he knew Zack would be sleeping.

Reaching the bathroom, he turned the lights on, wincing as the harsh, white, halogen bulbs caused lights to dance behind his eyes. He splashed his face with water and stared at his reflection, remembering Zack's mako-induced hallucinations of the first month in his recovery. Remembering that the blood he had given Zack, containing three times the amount the third was used to, was what had caused them.

"Angeal?"

He turned around. Zack stood in the doorway, rubbing his eyes, the stuffed chocobo tucked under his arm. Though Angeal wasn't feeling the cold, Zack was the closer they got to Christmas, and he was wearing flannel pyjamas, a gift from one of the nurses in the hospital.

"Why are you up, puppy?" he asked softly.

"Why are you up?" Zack yawned insolently.

"I couldn't sleep," Angeal confessed. "You, puppy?"

"Same."

Angeal watched Zack for a moment, then walked towards him, resting a hand on his puppy's neck. "Come on, puppy, back to bed."

"I'm not tired." Zack yawned again.

Angeal smiled slightly. "Don't lie, pup, it's rude."

His puppy yawned. "Sorry, 'Geal."

That night, they somehow both ended up curled in Zack's warm bed. Angeal reflected that it was the warmest place in the whole apartment, even though the room was frigid and cold in the face of the heavy blanket of snow that hid them from the rest of the world.

~*~

"Angeal!"

Angeal tensed and raised his hand to the handle of his Buster Sword when he heard Zack's anxious cry, hurrying towards where he thought he'd heard his student's voice. He found Zack crouched on the ground, over something.

"What's wrong, pup?"

Zack opened his closed hands carefully. In his palms lay a tiny bird, a zebra finch, one tiny wing bent at a strange angle. Angeal felt a pang of sympathy for the little bird, and he took it carefully. The tiny heartbeat of the bird's downy chest fluttered rapidly against his fingertip.

"We'll fix it, Puppy."

Zack nodded anxiously. "Will it fly again?"

"I'd say so, pup."

A flock of doves took off from tree suddenly, feathers flashing between the light green buds just peeking through the foliage. Zack watched in awe.

"I wish I could fly, Angeal."

_If it's any consolation, puppy, I wish you could too._

_

* * *

_

**A/N please r&r :) flames will be used to roast marshmallows.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N thanks so much to everyone who reviewed/favourited/put me on alerts!! Second chapter up earlier than i thought it would be :)**

* * *

Christmas had been fairly quiet.

Though there was a party for SOLDIERs in the mess hall later on in the evening, Angeal wasn't particularly compelled to go, and Zack didn't feel like being teased playfully but relentlessly about the many layers of clothes he had to wear to keep warm.

On Christmas Eve, Angeal found Zack in the living room, struggling with a large pine tree. Refraining from whining about the pine needles and how they would soil his carpet, Angeal went over to help his student, seeing the heavy load to be too heavy for Zack, who had improved out of sight, but was still struggling with anything that required leverage with his legs.

"Need some help, pup?"

"Yep," Zack huffed. Angeal added his weight, and was happy and, if he would admit it to himself, excited when Zack only needed a very slight amount of his pressure on the tree. What he didn't even consider thinking about was the way Zack's t-shirt lifted up, exposing a band of honeyed skin and the scar.

Angeal decided not to linger over the scar either.

"Okay," Zack said, obviously pleased. "Tree's up! Do you have tinsel, sticky tape and lights?"

"The tinsel and lights you can have with supervision, but under no circumstance are you to have the sticky tape. That ended badly for both of us last time," Angeal said darkly.

Zack laughed. "It wasn't so bad!"

"You sticky-taped LOVELESS to the ceiling, puppy."

"I wasn't the only one sick of it!"

~*~

When Angeal went to wake Zack up on Christmas day, his puppy was snuggled so far under the duvet and numerous blankets that Angeal panicked for a moment, thinking Zack was gone. He yanked the covers back to find his puppy sleeping soundly, in purple silk pyjamas that Genesis had bought him as a gift at one of his numerous hospital stays.

He leaned over, brushing his hand over Zack's forehead and attempting to push a few wayward spikes out of the way. "Wake up, puppy."

Zack yawned, blinking his eyes open. "Too early," he mumbled. "Five more minutes?"

Angeal laughed. "It's almost eight, puppy, you slept three extra hours. Besides, don't you want to see your Christmas presents?"

Zack shot upright. "Christmas!" He beamed excitedly. "Let's go!"

On a normal day, Zack might have run or cartwheeled down the hall. Now, Angeal reflected sadly, his puppy walked, albeit quickly, to the Christmas tree.

"ANGEEEAAALLL!"

Angeal hurried to the lounge to find Zack's beaming face awaiting him, holding the newest gaming console and a few new games. He smiled at his puppy. "I thought you'd like that, pup. What did your parents send you?"

Zack held up a necklace with a blue pendant on it. The string was toughened leather. "Dad made it." He dropped it back to his chest, and Angeal saw the flash of admiration as Zack's gaze caressed the small stone.

"Is there a story behind it, pup?" Angeal asked, genuinely interested.

Zack looked up at him, tilting his head curiously. "Yeah, I suppose there is. Everything has a story. We've just never told it outside Gongaga before."

"Really?"

"Not a lot of people who live in Gongaga ever leave Gongaga," Zack explained. "People like keeping their secrets close there. It drove me crazy."

"Would you care to tell me the story?"

"Sure, if you want to hear it. A coupla hundred years ago, people who lived in Gongaga believed there was a special spirit, a water goddess, who brought the rains and cleared the skies to give the perfect amount of water for harvests. But one day, supposedly, the foulest, richest man in the village kidnapped her and kept her prisoner, so he had the most water and the best crops. She cried thousands of tears, and when she was eventually set free, they hardened into these stones."

Zack held up the pendant.

"That's an amazing story, puppy."

"It's why nobody in Gongaga has any money. It's seen as a curse." Zack shrugged. "These stones are pretty rare."

~*~

"We come bearing gifts!"

"We wouldn't let you in if you weren't," Zack called, and Angeal rolled his eyes. He opened the door to find Genesis, who he had been expecting, carrying a pile of brightly wrapped packages, and Sephiroth, who he hadn't. He noticed that the General was holding two small packages in his hand.

"Come in," Angeal said warily. "Merry Christmas."

Genesis walked in, spying Zack in the kitchen. "Come see what I got you, Puppy," he called out smoothly.

Zack stuck his head out of the kitchen, licking chocolate off his fingers. "You got me something, Gen?" he asked, surprised but pleased.

"Of course I did, Puppy."

As Genesis walked through to the kitchen, Angeal struggled to maintain a sense of composure in Sephiroth's presence. The General cocked his head, then sighed softly.

"Angeal."

"Sephiroth."

"I understand that our relationship has been somewhat strained as of late," Sephiroth said softly, "but I am missing your companionship. Perhaps you would like to meet me in the VR room sometime next week for a sparring session?"

Angeal could appreciate the effort Sephiroth was putting into the invitation, but his eyes glanced unwillingly into the kitchen, where Zack was getting the pudding ready for that night. He watched as his puppy stumbled a little and was steadied by Genesis – so used to needing another's help now that it was an expectation that someone would catch him.

"I would like to, Seph," Angeal said. "But Zack…"

Sephiroth waved a hand. "Zack can come too. Perhaps it would do him some good to see us sparring together. I assume he misses it?"

_More than I could ever guess or say, _Angeal thought guiltily. He still harbored ill feelings towards himself concerning the bullet that had very nearly ended Zack's life, convinced he could have done more, had he been paying attention.

"I'll ask him tomorrow, Seph."

"Excellent. What's for lunch?"

"TURKEY!" Zack yelled, and the Bloody Trinity jumped.

"Was that really necessary, pup?"

"Yes. Yes it was."

~*~

"Angeal?"

Angeal turned to his student, standing in the doorway of his office. He was surprised to see Zack out of the apartment; after his injury, Zack had mostly either been with Angeal or there. Angeal had bought the gaming console in hopes of focusing Zack's energy on it, but it seemed it hadn't worked.

"What's wrong, pup? Does your back hurt?"

"No." Zack shook his head. He fidgeted a little bit, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Angeal smiled slightly as he saw a pink tinge flooding his student's cheeks. He noticed Zack was wearing new shoes, meaning Angeal couldn't see his socks. He wondered what colour they were today.

"What's up? You can tell me, puppy, you know that."

"Yeah, I… when are you coming home?" Zack blurted. He almost flinched at the way his voice came out; lonely and needy, like he was some little kid who couldn't look after himself. _Stupid, stupid_.

Angeal was surprised, but he tried not to let it show. "As soon as I'm done, puppy." Seeing the lingering question in Zack's eyes, he said, "about an hour or so."

Zack chewed at his lip and nodded.

"You can stay if you want, pup," Angeal said. "But it'll be boring."

"It doesn't matter." Zack sat on the couch, pulled his legs up, and plucked a random book from the bookcase. Angeal rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, and when it came down to it, Zack's company was always appreciated.

~*~

It had been in one of Zack's feverish, mako-induced deliriums when Angeal first discovered of Zack's fear of the dark.

It had initially surprised him; Zack had always appeared to be fearless, or nearly so, and Angeal wondered why, if Zack was afraid of the dark, the sable-haired teen hadn't left the hallway light on and his door slightly ajar before.

"Puppy?"

Zack looked at him questioningly, chewing viciously on the end of a pen. Angeal winced when he heard it crack under the pressure of Zack's teeth and snatched it from his pupil's mouth before he could injure himself. Zack grinned sheepishly, and Angeal smiled back.

"You never told me you were afraid of the dark, puppy," Angeal stated.

Zack looked alarmed; he averted his eyes. "How'd you know?"

"You spoke of it while you were rambling in delirium," Angeal said casually. "I just wanted to know why. I myself have never feared the dark."

Zack tilted his head. "The dark is everything that shouldn't exist," Zack said uncomfortably. "You can't see colour, only shadows, and you can't distinguish friend from enemy. That's why I don't like that dark."

"You're safe with me, though, puppy."

"I know."

"You can leave the hall light on at night if you wish."

Zack paused. "Won't it keep you awake?" he asked hesitantly. "I don't want to annoy you-"

"Being afraid of what can hurt you is neither foolish nor something for me to be annoyed with," Angeal said gently. "All of us have fears, puppy. Without fear, there is no courage, only recklessness and bravado. Courage stems from the thing that spawns your fears."

"So you can't have courage without fear?"

"Exactly, puppy."

"Can you have honor without pride?"

The question, so meaningful and spoken so innocently, further confused Angeal; he was never sure if his puppy was a boy or a man. It was getting harder and harder to tell; though Zack was sixteen, Angeal could see definite moments of clarity that blurred the lines between adolescence and adulthood. Angeal didn't know if he liked it or not; he would prefer to think of Zack as sweet, naïve, unless Zack was…

No. He wasn't going to follow that train of thought.

"Angeal? What do you think? Honor without pride?"

"Without pride, puppy," he answered softly, "a person isn't able to have honor. Pride is the belief in yourself, and honor is sticking to your values. If you don't have pride, don't have a sense of self, you don't really have morals to stick to, do you?"

"Um… no. I guess not." Zack tilted his head back a little, and the faint sunlight streaming through the window glanced across his smooth, silken features. Angeal found himself enraptured with his student's beauty.

"Wow," Zack murmured. "The cost of being yourself is steep."

_That it is, puppy. That it is._

~*~

Reno Sinclair wasn't the kind of company Angeal wanted his puppy to associate with.

"Zack!" The loud, brash, redheaded Turk stormed into Angeal's office abruptly. Zack looked up as his friend smiled a daring, dangerous smile.

"Let's go blow shit up, yo!"

"I can't, Reno."

"What the fuck, man?!"

Zack winced a little at his friend's language. "I can't. I can't make a fast getaway anymore, remember?"

"We'll steal a scooter."

"A scooter, Reno? Really?" Angeal asked dryly. "Scooters only go as fast as the person can ride them."

Reno got a wicked grin on his face. "You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

~*~

Zack had had a lot of visitors during his month-long stint at the hospital, but Angeal didn't know if Zack remembered half of them in his mako-induced delirium.

The doctors had informed him, gently as possible, that the reason Zack wasn't responding all that well to painkillers was because Angeal's mako, ten times stronger than Zack's, was killing off the invaders. At least it was also preventing infection.

Angeal would have loved to slam that evil, life-sucking scientist Hojo up against the wall and demand a better suggestion than "we have to wait it out" but it appeared his hands were tied; with Zack kept in the labs to monitor his wildly fluctuating power, Angeal had to behave – or risk Hojo doing something far worse to his puppy.

So Angeal simply ignored the fact that Genesis and probably Sephiroth were worried about him, ignored the stubble growing on his face, ignored the tingling that raced along his spine when the air grew colder, ignored everything as he watched over Zack, doing what he'd promised to do.

"Angeal," Zack said faintly.

"How can I help, puppy?" Angeal asked, ignoring the tearing feeling inside his chest at Zack's weak voice speaking his name, the name of the person who had put him here.

"Thirsty."

Angeal's heart clenched as he lifted Zack's head up to pour water carefully down his throat. During this practice, if Zack was having a brief moment of clarity, they would keep eye contact. Angeal remembered Zack mentioning, once, the way in which his father took care of him when he was sick – he maintained eye contact to let Zack know he was safe. Angeal wondered briefly if he resembled Zack's father. He'd never seen a picture, though he imagined Zack's dad to look like a bigger, burlier version of Zack himself.

"Angeal?"

Angeal looked down at his young student. Zack appeared to be lapsing in an out of clarity before his eyes; it hurt so much, to see his Zack, and then another, one that he hadn't known because that was someone else's Zack.

"Yes, puppy?"

Zack's eyes were a stunning liquid shade of pale, ice blue, so unlike anything Angeal had ever seen before. He had reveled, once, in the catlike green of Sephiroth's eyes, the dangerous slits his pupils were. Now, they simply seemed as if they cast a demeaning air on whatever they saw. Of course, Angeal couldn't trust himself to have a clear head when it came to Sephiroth.

"Why's the sky blue?"

And maybe, Angeal reflected, you sometimes needed a moment of madness to really let the important questions come through.

~*~

"Time to get up, puppy."

"Nnngh."

"What is it? Don't feel like walking today?"

"Nope."

"_Zack._"

"An_geal_."

"Don't use that tongue with me, Pup."

"How else am I supposed to talk?"

Angeal grinned in spite of himself, standing up. "Alright then," he said, and Zack lifted his head from the covers, suspicious when Angeal gave in so quickly. He narrowed his eyes at his mentor, chagrined when the man walked away.

"I suppose," Angeal called over his shoulder, "this means you don't want waffles, pup."

"WAFFLES?! When were there WAFFLES involved?! Wait for me! Hey, that's not fair, I can't run yet! Get back here, you coward!"

"Try to catch me, puppy," Angeal urged. "If you can run even two steps, I'll let you off your exercises for the day." What could one day really hurt?

"I don't know if I can, Angeal." Zack sounded so unsure, so lost, so unlike Zack, and Angeal nearly winced.

"Only two steps."

~*~

_How do you tell someone you owe them your life?_

Zack kicked at a stone as he wandered back up to his and Angeal's apartment from dinner. His mentor had been working all week, focusing on paperwork after Zack caught a cold, courtesy of all the painkillers weakening his immune system.

He sniffled thickly and was about to wipe his nose on his sleeve when a large, tanned hand caught his wrist, almost twice as big, and a tissue was shoved under his nose. He accepted it when he heard his mentor say, "Please refrain from using your sleeve, Zack. It's a delightfully disgusting habit I have every intention of breaking you out of."

"Oh yeah?" Zack croaked out. "How's that?"

Angeal smiled. "I'll bribe you with something. Perhaps some beef jerky."

"Ha, ha. If you're going to make fun of me, you need to work on the jokes." But Zack was smiling at him, and Angeal returned it.

"Come on, pup. We'll watch a movie tonight."

"Saw?" Zack asked hopefully.

Angeal grimaced. "How about something a little more… I don't know… sophisticated?"

"I'm not watching Phantom of the Opera again, Angeal."

"It's a classic."

"It's a piece of-"

"You don't want to finish that sentence, pup."

Zack grinned. "Yeah, maybe I don't, you're right. After all, I can't help it if old geezers like you can't understand the dialogue in new movies."

With that, Angeal playfully wrestled Zack up against the wall in their apartment. Mere weeks ago he wouldn't have dared to attempt the same thing, but the ShinRa headquarters heaters were finally working again, and Zack's injury and legs hadn't been bothering him nearly as much. Angeal didn't see the harm.

Zack gasped as Angeal wrestled him against the wall, but it was full of laughter, and he continued to chuckle even as Angeal rested both hands on either side of Zack's face and allowed him to turn around. Zack made a bid for freedom, but Angeal's arm, so thick and tough and God, Zack didn't think he'd ever be that strong, caught him and held him secure.

"What was that, Pup?"

"I meant," Zack giggled, twisting and squirming in Angeal's embrace, "that your older, much wiser and much, much handsomer generation has the ability to appreciate the classics much more easily than my inferior generation."

"Inferior. That's a big word, pup."

"Oh, you're mean tonight, you know that?"

Angeal laughed, but it faded as he realised that, during their struggle, Zack's sweatshirt and t-shirt underneath had ridden up. His spine, so gracefully curved, was now exposed, and Angeal could also see a sliver of the boy's stomach, a thin, black trail of hair extending into BONDS underwear. Zack's belt was black leather, with silver and black studs adorning it. They scratched Angeal's wrists on the insides as he realised just how he was holding his student – around the hips and chest. Zack had no way to get away from him.

"Angeal?" Zack asked quietly.

All Angeal could focus on was how narrow those hips were, belying the strength the mako-infused bones held. Normally, Zack would be able to at least dislodge his mentor; with his injury, he could do no more than squirm a little and blush.

"Angeal?"

Angeal, again, said nothing. He didn't want to let his student go, and didn't want to frighten him, as he knew he would if he continued to hold on.

"Sir?"

Angeal shook his head. "Zack," he said softly. Zack nodded, confused, face heated, as Angeal continued. "If you would allow it… I would like to hold you. Just for tonight?"

"Um, sure," Zack said. "But… why?"

Angeal slid one hand to cradle Zack's neck delicately. The other slid so it was embracing Zack around the small of his back, and he stayed like that for a moment, inhaling the smell of Zack's hair, apples and something he couldn't identify.

"I almost lost you," he said to Zack softly, insecurely. "Puppy… you really have no idea how much you mean to me, do you?"

Zack smiled against his mentor's chest, enjoying the warmth. "The last time you held me, you were carrying me here. It was raining."

"What else do you remember?"

"It was cold," Zack mused. "I was pretty drugged up. I don't remember much at all, except you putting me to bed that night when we got back, and… giving me my stuffed chocobo. After that it's all a blur."

Angeal nodded quietly. He loosened his grip, and Zack pulled away to look at him quizzically. For a moment, Angeal stared into his eyes, then moved his hand to cup Zack's cheek gently. to his shock and surprise, Zack didn't pull away, but nuzzled into his palm affectionately, breathing soft and steady against Angeal's neck.

"Puppy," Angeal questioned, worried at Zack's incredibly docile nature. "You aren't behaving like yourself."

Zack opened his eyes to look at Angeal directly, and Angeal stilled under Zack's gaze, so warm and adorning he felt the ShinRa heaters were simply a nuisance and a waste of money at that. He traced the crack in Zack's lips with his thumb, and Zack closed his eyes again.

"I shouldn't," Angeal said quietly, though ever since Zack had first been hurt on a mission – not even a real mission, simply a VR room simulation – he had let his protective urges drive his relationship with Zack. Right now, he wasn't sure they were reliable enough. He had longed for so long now to simply shield Zack from the world and keep him safe, but also to make his dreams come true. One couldn't exist without the other.

"Who said you shouldn't?" Zack asked.

"It's not what they've said, puppy. It's what they haven't. I'm eight years your senior."

"You're old enough to make up for the both of us," Zack pointed out.

Also very true, Angeal had to admit. And Zack's breath was so, so warm…

Then he felt Zack take a step closer, stretch on his tiptoes, and kiss Angeal firmly on the mouth. Angeal, after a moment of shocked hesitation, kissed his student back, allowing his hands to roam around the Third's body. Without a thought, he was suddenly playing tonsil tennis with the sixteen year old, and his hands were sliding up Zack's sweatshirt, the cold pads of his fingers counting every rib, every scar, everything that made Zack Zack.

He stopped abruptly when he heard – and felt – Zack gasp and shudder against him, tilting his head back. His libido shot through the roof when he realised that not only was the gasp not from pain, but from pleasure – Angeal's calloused hand had brushed Zack's sensitive nipples – but the honey-pale column of Zack's throat was bared to him like some sort of virginal sacrifice.

Virginal.

Angeal froze just as he was about to graze his teeth over Zack's pulse point.

Virginal.

Oh God. He had never thought about it that way.

Unsure of what to do to get Zack calm now that his damned teenage hormones were running away with him, Angeal reluctantly pulled his hands from the warmth of Zack's sweatshirt. He tugged the hem down, eyes avoiding the pale band of skin and still-developing muscles, the treasure trail, the belt.

Zack gripped his shoulders suddenly. "Why'd you stop?"

Angeal had never heard Zack's voice like that before, so husky and soft and God, quiet. Angeal had never really heard his puppy quiet before, full stop. He swallowed convulsively.

"Puppy, you're sixteen."

"I'm almost seventeen," Zack protested immediately.

"But you aren't," Angeal reminded him gently. "Not yet. You may reach seventeen and decide you want someone your own age more than you want an old fossil such as myself."

"I like fossils," Zack insisted.

"Is that so. Why?"

"They have history! And…" Zack cocked an eyebrow. "Experience."

~*~

The first time Zack had to be rushed to hospital after leaving it was when winter hit harder than it usually did, and the heating ducts died on the spot.

Angeal was blatantly and unapologetically furious when, only two months after Zack being released, he had to go back to have a piece of undetected shrapnel removed from his spine. Though the doctors, at the time, had assured Angeal that it would not set Zack back in his recovery – they would remove the shrapnel and heal the wound with material – Angeal was still worried and, in turn, assured them that if they did not do their job properly next time, he would have them fired on the spot, reputations be damned.

He hadn't been thinking clearly, he knew. All he did know was that Zack's cries of pain as the shrapnel grew colder and colder inside his back had been worse than the silence or small whimpers when Zack had been initially hurt.

However, after that, Zack's back stopped hurting as much. For a while he limped around the apartment, looking for things to do and pestering Angeal to play Mouse Trap and many other ridiculous games for him (which was what had given Angeal the idea to buy him the gaming console for Christmas) and slept in late. After a week, Zack was walking normally, though there was an extra scar, and one that was caused by ShinRa's own medically-experienced hands.

It was ridiculous, and Angeal told Lazard as much.

He had never liked the way the director had looked at Zack, and so he was naturally cautious about showing Lazard the pictures of Zack's spine and the x-rays of his pelvic region.

"This is why your people need to be scanning better," Angeal said.

"Hmm," Lazard murmured. "Perhaps I should keep these as a reference."

_Have them_, Angeal wanted to say. _Because you're never having HIM_.

~*~

"I want to stay in bed today."

"Pup, you always want to stay in bed," Angeal pointed out. "I know that early mornings aren't your favourite but please, cut me some slack. We've got to do your exercises."

Zack sighed. "Exercises. More of them."

Angeal had never felt so helpless, with his student clutching the edge of his pillow and beginning to shut his eyes again. Zack was a good kid, for the most part, making silly mistakes that every other teenager tended to. He had never really had to yell or stamp his feet, and Zack had never seen him truly angry, but he felt close to it now, boiling with anger. He had helped Zack get better, some small, malevolent part of him claimed. Therefore, Zack should do as he said without question.

"Pup, you aren't the only one who suffers when you're hurt," Angeal said softly, standing and walking out.

~*~

"Stop."

Zack looked up tiredly at his mentor, still pushing at the weight machine with his feet, desperately trying to pull up the last slab of metal attached to it. Angeal was watching him and apparently had been for a while.

"But I-"

"You're going to strain a muscle, puppy," Angeal said tiredly, running a hand over his face and hoisting Zack up, under the arms. He placed his puppy on his feet in front of him, surveying his sweating face.

"I won't," Zack insisted.

"Puppy," Angeal sighed.

"I just want to get better."

The blatant admission gave Angeal reason to pause. He looked at his apprentice, really looked at him, seeing such determination but such fear in those pale blue eyes. Zack was afraid he wouldn't get better. Angeal saw that now.

Perhaps he should have said something, but right then, Angeal felt like he wanted to hit something. Deciding that it wouldn't be in his puppy's best interests to be around when he did, he said, "Zack, go take a shower. I'll be with you in a moment to help you dress."

~*~

"What're you doin' here, big guy?"

Angeal looked up at Reno Sinclair's voice. The greenish blue was locked onto him, head cocked sideways, magrod swinging at the Turk's hip.

"Waiting for Zack."

"That's funny, Zack's waiting for you in the change room." Reno's eyes had a predatory glint to them Angeal didn't like. "Said something about… waiting for you so he could get dressed?"

Angeal felt a pang of guilt. "I forgot. Is he still there?"

"Far as I know," Reno said easily. "So why aren't you?"

He couldn't believe he was discussing it with a Turk. "I don't know how to help him anymore," Angeal admitted softly. "It sounds crazy, but I'm at the end of my rope. He needs support, but I don't know how to give it to him."

Reno cocked his head the other way, stalking closer, and Angeal briefly wondered if Tseng had ever been in the same position with the redhead as he was with Zack.

"You love him, right?"

Angeal's head shot up. It wasn't really a question; something about the way he said it told him Reno already knew. He looked at the Turk, unable to believe the little redhead, a year younger than Zack, could know such a thing. However, when those strangely-shaped eyes looked into his, he knew, instinctively, that Reno wasn't just guessing.

"How did you know?"

"That's not important."

"It is."

"You love him, right?"

"Of course."

Reno smiled. "So just show him."

* * *

**A/N trying to further explain Sephiroth and ANgeal's relationship. Please R&R :)**


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